累·泪

今晚唯一陪着我的安慰：一首歌的了解。



夜深了。抱着时间的勇者，睡吧。

安心的睡吧。

加油shu-yi-te!

每天都要

早睡早起

吃早餐

因为

身体健康也是一种Roll'n Roll 的 Style~

They say I need a psychologist.

幾乎每個水瓶座的心底都有著一段刻骨銘心人間記憶，一個永遠無法忘記的背影。那也許只是極其短暫的兩情相悅，只是一種單戀，或只是一種只存在於虛幻空間。一切看起來是那麼平靜，那麼和諧。沒有驚天動地，沒有海誓山盟，沒有花前月下，沒有浪漫，沒有誓言，沒有溫度。水瓶座的理智和冷漠，注定了任何感情永無燃點。

水瓶座不容易喜歡上一個人。有人說水瓶座對伴侶的要求太高，其實並非這樣，水瓶座注重的是感覺。只是那麼輕描淡寫的一眼，那個人已經吸引了水瓶的所有注意力，從此目光便無法轉移。用一秒鐘愛上一個人，然後再付出一生去忘記，水瓶座就是這樣的試驗品。但幾乎所有的水瓶都會否認在自己的身上發生一見鍾情，因為一向自視清高，承認愛上一個人這鍾事似乎是在侮辱自己的智商。更多的時候是因為，連自己都沒發現已經愛上。

水瓶座很多時候對於感情反應非常遲鈍，遲鈍到每次都是最後的知情者。有時容易出現弄不清自己的感覺，不清楚自己想做什麼，覺得迷惘。在對方沒有非常明確地表示感情時會退怯，覺得愛情是兩廂情願，不想勉強對方。顯得很被動，忽冷忽熱，猶豫不決，極其矛盾。在沒有完全確定前，決不輕易付出感情，因為怕失去。也許是缺乏安全感，也許是對自己的保護，也可以算作是一種自私。一般水瓶座的好朋友都是經過很長世間的考察的，不僅僅是幾年，而是十幾年。一旦被水瓶座當作好朋友的，會赴湯蹈火掏心掏肺。

在公車上，街邊，商場，水瓶老是認錯人。在茫茫人海中，始終在尋找一個熟悉的身影，直到產生幻覺。這一刻，水瓶座突然很想痛哭流涕，因為突然發現自己幾近瘋狂的愛上一個人，失去了理智，失去了自我。這種突如其來的感覺，很恐懼，很無助。水瓶座不喜歡這種感覺，因為不知該如何面對。要讓水瓶座主動去追逐，是件異常困難的事，在水瓶座的世界裡無法承受拒絕，就是這麼脆弱，無論表面上看來是多麼的堅強。

水瓶座在人前總是一幅無憂無慮沒心沒肝的樣子，不想別人看見自己的悲傷，那樣會有不安全的感覺，總是在無人的地方暗自落淚。算了，還是放在心裡吧。既不用尷尬的表白然後遭到拒絕，又不會相愛容易相處難的慘烈分手。這樣很好，沒人看出來，不至於太沒面子。可以繼續貌似瀟灑。但是，不同了。儘管水瓶座裝著多麼不在乎，看都不看一眼。可是對方說的每句話都從耳朵進去，沒見出來。對方提的任何過分的要求，水瓶座統統照單全收精心盡力，決對不會有半個不字。完全成為一個愛情的奴隸，臉上還裝酷無表情，整個死要面子活受罪。

這種情況下，如果對方使點陰謀詭計，刻意疏遠避而不見或是視而不見，電話不接或是哼哈敷衍等等，水瓶會給整瘋了，開始會想是什麼自己地方做錯了，說錯話了，然後拉下面子主動討好試探。不用多，碰壁兩次，水瓶座就會有自知之明了，不會再去想是為什麼會這樣，也不想知道了。心裡會想，原來是對方討厭自己，不想見到自己。明白之後，就是絕對的安靜了。這還沒完，過了一段日子。對方如果突然又改變態度，水瓶座竟然能既往不咎問也不問，慇勤依舊，完全沒有尊嚴可談。只要能和對方開心的在一起，過去不重要，未來也不重要，面子不重要，金錢不重要，時間不重要，自己也不重要。天平失衡，感情重重的壓在心底，自己卻飄在了半空。太在乎對方，迷失了自我，幸福也變得虛無。自己都不愛，誰還會珍惜。水瓶座一旦付出，便是徹底，不可收回。感情投入的越多越是傷的重。最擅長的是難為自己。不想對方難過，只好讓自己難過。總是認為自己有超乎尋常的承受力，把自己想得太堅強，而把別人想得太脆弱。不知道，受傷的其實是自己，只是不知道如何表現出來。


愛，這個字對水瓶座來說，太沉重珍貴了，無法用語言詮釋。一旦說出口，猶如遠古的文物，被發掘出土暴露於空氣中，變得面目全非，失去本來的價值。所以，不輕易說。只需一次，水瓶座便把一生的精力耗盡，只因執著，便落得傷痕纍纍。那段感情如強酸腐蝕著那顆麻木的心，穿了一個洞，再也無法彌補。時間是世界上最有力的矬子，把空洞的毛邊漸漸撫平，不再擱人。每當寒風吹過，猶聞隱約淒涼的蕭蕭聲，似輓歌。

只需一次，水瓶座便不再幻想，於是狠狠將自己摔碎，拒絕熔化拼湊。因為怕熔了記憶，怕熔了那個遠遠的背影，怕熔了自己千年的期盼。之後，水瓶座依然談笑風生，依然開朗豁達，繼續著一段接一段的新感情，重複著一切，因為無法承受寂寞。人們都說水瓶花心，見一個愛一個，水瓶座會哈哈一笑，說"哪有？冤啊！"。其實心裡在滴著血，臉上卻得笑的燦爛，安慰自己"我是誰啊！哪會那麼弱呢！"有人說水瓶座太冷酷太自私，自以為了不起。可是誰又瞭解，水瓶座的心，容量很小，只能有一個，且不具修改性。除了那個人，其他所有自動歸為一種程序。

因為無法虛偽，所以甜言蜜語都吝嗇給予。因為天真，所以至死之前仍在等待。因為沒有勇氣，所以眼睜睜放手真愛無能為力。當看到一個瓶子在瘋狂地快樂或悲傷時，請千萬不要被迷惑，水瓶總是不由自主地交錯操縱著快樂與悲傷。其實並不像看到的那麼快樂，同樣的，也不像看到的那麼悲傷。只是悲傷時，喜歡帶上快樂的面具，而當水瓶快樂時，悲傷又不肯輕易放過。

只有真正懂得水瓶座的人，才能看見眼底那一縷似有似無的哀傷，才能明白是什麼讓水瓶如此的義無反顧，是什麼讓水瓶變得如此忽冷忽熱捉摸不定，才能體會水瓶的堅強只是竭力掩飾的脆弱。星相上說，水瓶座往往不被所愛的人珍惜。我想，是為什麼呢？也許答案就在心中，只是水瓶座的本性不願承認而已。水瓶座除了需要一個深愛自己包容一切的人以外，還需要一個心理醫生。

误人子弟

不是

有钱有成绩有志气有经验有机会有想法

就是好老师

因为钱不是他赚的

成绩不是全方位的

志气是半途而废的

经验是重蹈覆辙的

机会是别人给他的

想法是非常扭曲的

-----------------------------------------------------------

今天看了我电脑里的received files folder，看到朋友传给我的一段他和另一个朋友的msn chatlog，内容跟把妹有关。还记得那时候刚传来，我没有读到一半就已经满头雾水，宣告放弃。现在重读了一遍，发觉内容很暴笑。一个把妹完全失败，情场一塌糊涂，人格恶劣，没有责任感的人，尽然还敢装神为别人洗脑。就算要洗脑，用的洗脑剂至少要有一定的程度吧，怎么可以用一个连自己也不清楚成分的洗脑剂胡乱的撒在无辜的朋友上……自己还以为很厉害要去救朋友。通常老人家遇到的一些诈骗案（比如说拜了什么神就会把苹果变成$$$），幕后都有几个帮凶。这个胡乱使用洗脑剂的仁兄尽然也有帮凶，只是这个帮凶只出现了名字，看上去好像有点被利用的感觉。主谋为了要说服朋友，什么招数都搬出来。真的是……

除了觉得好笑之外，我还有一股想要除掉人渣的冲动。

还好，他用的是XXXXbrand的洗脑剂，品质烂到不行，我的朋友也没怎么被影响（除了头上冒出的那一百个不解的问号之外）。

生病了要去看对的医生，考试不及格了要去找对的补习老师。

那些歪道来的……Please, for goodness sake. Just play along with them if you really have to.

没办法就捂住耳朵咯。Hear no evil.

Heal The World

I woke up today to a piece of extremely bad news. My sis pointed to the news report on her laptop screen, saying that Michael Jackson is dead!

Although I am not a big fan of MJ, I found myself overwhelmed by sadness at that moment, and hoping that it isn't true. So I went online and checked out all the related articles and news reports... and realised it's the truth afterall.

My JC project work was a huge success, thanks to MJ. Cuz we used his song to make a v touching clip to promote our humanitarian proposal about the integrated home for the elderly and children in Singapore.

This song is the theme song for our PW group. Listening to it makes me recall the times when we went to interact with the children at the children's home, made our way to MCYS, and visited the place where we learnt about the different facilities designed specially for the elderly. I bet if the project is not so meaningful, we wouldn't have so much passion for it to give our best.

This is for Caiping, Shanyu and Sihui (:



Make it a better place for you and for me (:

花

Hot babe

People can really get numb when things keep repeating itself.

An example will be fever. I kind of lost track of the number of times when I was down with fever. I'm feeling weak... and bored.



It's a sad fact that I look nicer with a mask than when I'm without one.

And I don't understand why my mum wants me to go see the doc only when my dad is back. =.=

38.7deg cel...

I'm glad I'm not a toddler.

.............

Baba... come home quickkkkkk...

Reluctant but Necessary Denial

I'm sick of reading so much about AquaGem!

It'll never work! It'll never work! What am I thinking?!

I am thinking too much. I need sleep.

"I'm back. Hope it gives you HELL."

Angel: 哟！好久不见。
Devil：对啊。好久不见了呢！
Angel：我最近转行了。
Devil: 哦？现在在混那一行啊？
Angel: 哈，你想不到的……我到你这行来混了。
Devil: 哦？是吗？
（停顿了一下，然后激动地上前抱了抱Angel）
Devil: Welcome back buddy. Welcome back!

------------------------------------------------------



(He looks awfully like Willy Wonka from minute 1:45 to 1:46! >_<)

I wake up every evening with a big smile on my face
And it never feels out of place
And you're still probably working at a 9 to 5 pace
I wonder how bad that tastes

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell

Now where's your picket fence, love?
And where's that shiny car?
And did it ever get you far?
You never seemed so tense, love
I've never seen you fall so hard
Do you know where you are?

And truth be told I miss you
And truth be told I'm lying

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell

If you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool, you're just as well, hope it gives you hell
I hope it gives you hell

Tomorrow you'll be thinking to yourself
Yeah, where did it all go wrong?
But the list goes on and on

Truth be told I miss you
And truth be told I'm lying

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell

If you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool, you're just as well, hope it gives you hell

Now you'll never see what you've done to me
You can take back your memories, they're no good to me
And here's all your lies, you can look me in the eyes
With the sad, sad look that you wear so well

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell

If you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool, you're just as well, hope it gives you hell

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell
(Hope it gives you hell!)
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell
(Hope it gives you hell!)

When you hear this song and you sing along, well you'll never tell
And you're the fool, I'm just as well, hope it gives you hell
When you hear this song I hope that it will give you hell
You can sing along, I hope that it puts you through hell

说悲哀并不应该

就让我狠狠的加速前进

模型

有些人长得比较像爸爸，有些人长得比较像妈妈。不管长得像爸爸还是妈妈，它的用意还是一样的，就是让孩子在长大之后就算性格思想和他们完全不同，也会记得身体里面流的是和父母亲相似的血液，藏着的是同一组控制健康计时炸弹的基因。除了这些，需要记得的当然还有许许多多的“如果我是你，我就会怎样怎样”，都是一堆孩子必须听进去让自己在父母的经验里进化的智慧魔法。

结果孩子活着的地盘只有他们的影子，一点想法也没有。即使有，只要他们一开口，原本的什么独特见解也都会消失灭迹。

二十多岁时最适合学习的阶段，这也代表二十多岁正是最适合犯错的时候。可是父母总是拉得很紧，不管是不是真有‘悬崖勒马’的必要，那绳子从十多岁叛逆时期就一直绑紧到二十多岁。表面上好像给了孩子很多自由，时时对一些事保持‘视而不见’的态度，其实你们一个两个都被骗了。话说得多，就没有了它的价值。只有平时少说，等到有一天他们终于开‘金口’将孩子训一顿的时候，孩子才会听进去。

No, no, no. 我不是在埋怨。我家里那两个老的只是偶尔有点啰嗦，可是在思想方面才不会向我施压。不管怎样，他们两个大孩子是不会把女儿当作是傀儡的。

有些人成了父母亲的傀儡一辈子了，尽然还不知道。当然那些父母不一定是故意干涉孩子的成长与自由，可是他们难道没有想到孩子的一些想法其实是因为自己过去所犯下的错误所影响的吗？父母的那一套想法不一定是错的，可是不一定适合孩子。可能是望子成龙还是求胜心切吧，从小就让孩子读一些有的没的，学一些可有可无的，上一些奇奇怪怪的补习课。除了读书还是读书，偶尔和别的小孩玩耍，可是和那些小朋友的交情总是不深。除了书本，最常接触的就是每天让自己听经的父母亲。有时父母自己也搞不清楚这样是在培养孩子还是在将他们洗脑。这样的洗脑比把孩子丢进洗衣机里洗还要可怕。因为这里说的不是结束一个生命的问题，而是夺去一个人在成长最重要的时期发掘独立的性格的权利。性格是一辈子的事，错了就是错了，歪了就是歪了，就算以后会有改变，也是在于歪了的根基上所作的改变。错的人不是孩子，是那些别人早就告诉过他们不该这样但是仍然固执的父母。

尤其是在恋爱方面，孩子对父母给的一些教导还是先经过自己的过滤器再把那些适合自己的精华取出来会比较好。

有些人谈了一次恋爱就结婚生子了。有些谈了几十次，才终于遇到对的人。有些人谈了几次就决定谈恋爱也没什么，还是自己一个人好。有些人恋爱、结婚，只是为了方便。有些人是真的相爱才结婚，组织家庭。

那些为了方便而结婚生子的，教孩子恋爱的方法是教数学的方式。Problem solving, permutation and combination, 理智为先。因为这本来就是他们处理婚姻的方法，要教当然是教自己的那一套。不对的解决方法就丢掉，换个新的，更快更准更好。最重要是要保住自己，别人只是配角，最多也只是同谋。

那些有长辈说媒，没见几次面就结婚的，教孩子恋爱的方法是教钓鱼的方式。耐心，耐心，耐心，钓鱼的人总会在这片为他支配好的湖里钓到最意想不到的收获。这辈子的垂钓不会让他空手而归，如果可以钓到大鱼就是他的福气，如果钓到的是小鱼，那也是他的福气。因为这些鱼都是钓鱼的人耐心得来的收获，一定要好好珍惜。

那些自由恋爱，因为相爱而在一起的，教孩子恋爱的方法是教音乐的方式。节奏时快时慢，不是自己可以完全控制的。五线谱是个假像，因为音乐是没有限制的。天气好的时候，它可以是土壤让你在森林里探索，它可以是水让你放心遨游，它也可以是空气让你自由飞翔。天气不好的时候，会有土崩，会有海啸，会有龙卷风。爱的话就坚持下去，边享受边完成一首情歌。不爱的话，就为它写下休止符。如果是爱，但是被弄痛的话，也要坚持下去，直到音乐放弃你为止。等到有一天最后一根弦断了，就停止吧。换个乐器，重新奏出新曲，把伤痕当作一堂最宝贵的音乐课，成就自己未来成为一名大音乐家。

结果恋爱谈到最后，好像是在跟对方的父母谈恋爱。这世上有太多太多公婆和媳妇/女婿相处的故事，有好的也有坏的，可是最常见的还是婆媳的问题。

就算还很爱对方，可是如果可以预测到未来有这样的问题，在还没陷得太深的时候赶快收手会比较好。尤其是当对方是那种已经盲目得自己被父母洗脑了还傻傻得崇拜着他们的乖孩子。

谈恋爱真的不是只是两个人的事。

哈哈哈。我未来的老公有的受咯~嘿嘿。

还有还有……不可以忘了祝全世界的父亲们(those of the past, present and future)父亲节快乐！~

----------------------------------------------------

Shuyi spent her Saturday at Escape theme park under the sun with her friends! (:

Thank goodness I went with Min, Chuan and Gab. They are already used to my lack of 形象，so screaming on the Viking ship wasn't as malu as I thought.

1) Viking ship: Was laughing and screaming nervously throughout. Gab seemed very collected beside me. Decided to anyhow scream when we were about to reach the end of the ride. A kid won us in the screaming competition in the end. Left the ride with wobbly legs.

2) Yakult superman ride: Stupid ride made my chest v painful.

3) Haunted House: Gab is pro.

4) Go-Kart: I can drive. Omg. I can drive! But why do I suck at playing racing on Wii???

5) Flipper: Played twice. 1st time with Simin, but the rotations weren't that bad, so we decided to make it unbalanced to see if it will turn faster/more. 2nd time with Chuan, Min with Gab to make the seats unbalanced. Thought it really turned more liao, but Min and Gab went =.= "where got? only abit wad."

After that we went to the arcade at Downtown East until dinner time. Had dinner at White Sands Mall, then we headed off to Bugis while Min went home (with my hairband!).

Went to Bugis Street walkwalk. And I found myself 2 唐门s! Haha~ One 唐门is good at looking for accessories, the other 唐门 is good at threatening to slap me if I do stupid things. More shopping with my 唐门s in the next month before school reopens! :D

Then we went to iluma to walkwalk seesee. Went to the new arcade and found cool games! But then very ex. Lol. So only walked around lo. And there are a few 短裤姐姐 walking around in boots, serving the people playing games there (ok, sounds wrong).

Then we went to bugis arcade~ Played for awhile then went home liao.

And we came up with:

1)Wiki of the Day: How do astronauts poop in space?
Ans: This is the answer: click here!

2)Discovery of the Day: Why is there a small red ribbon that seems so out of place on my Bossini Kids 'Little Miss Giggles' T-shirt?
Ans: Discovery thanks to boliao/clever Chuan





3)Joke of the Day: What is the full name for 'Wise T.G.'?
Ans: Wise Turbine Generator / Wise Tomato Garden

Haha... Being with them always make me feel happy and 疼-ed (:

It was a good Saturday. (:

三次的魔咒

大灰狼在小男孩撒了三次谎后得逞，刁走了好几只绵羊，让家人饱餐了几顿。

小猪们躲在屋子里和大灰狼决斗，三次之后才成功把长气的大灰狼给打走。

金发女孩试了三次才找到那碗适合自己温度的炖菜、硬度适中的扶椅、软度刚好的睡床。

两个姐姐试了玻璃鞋后，第三次才轮到灰姑娘。而且尽然还没试穿那只玻璃鞋，它就被摔碎了。还好她还保留着另一只玻璃鞋，当场证明了她的身份。如果她在舞会结束当晚真的绝望地将它抛掉，灰姑娘的故事不会存在。

一回生，二回熟，三回四回五回六回呢？

因为这个世界太理智，所以总是停在‘一回生，二回熟，三回就烂掉/腻’的逻辑思考。

三回是朋友？三回成冤家？三回吃，四回拉？三回结瓜，四回分平果？三回冷眼，四回仇视？

有个名叫猪八戒的网民说：“一回生，二回熟，三回拍拖，四回上了床，五回吵了架，六回分了手，七回回了生，八回谁知啊？问这个怎么答啊…？”

其实我们知道的就只有一、二回。三回之后的答案各说不一。

活在规律里是为了保护自己……就是这样，‘某某人’变成了‘任何人’，“重复着很多人的故事：白天他演现实，晚上看电视”。

那些不照着规律走的，就是选择伤害自己的傻瓜，就是固执、冥顽不灵。



活在规律里的我们都习惯了保护自己，却都忘了我们无法掌控的无常。因为无常总是出现在未来，此时此刻看不到它，就当它作不存在。

改变是看不到的，尤其是存在于未来的那些改变。你相信无常吗？你相信改变吗？

你看得到风吗？你相信风的存在吗？



我们只看到三次魔咒允许我们看见的事物。在它之外我们看不见的范围里，那些若隐若现的东西，课本都告诉我们，它们都是不存在的。

鬼，我们都想相信它不存在，却又在黑暗里莫名其妙地允许自己害怕起来。

三次的魔咒无法解开我们矛盾的心。它只能在我们周围设下了笼子，笼子之外的东西不能伤害你，但你却也因为这样失去了自由。你会因为这样安定的日子而不渴望自由吗？魔咒限制了我们的活动范围，但思维空间还是拘束不了。

三次的魔咒……

唯一能解开它的，就只有时间和一颗勇于对自己坦诚的良心。

可能到时候人类也能有看得见风的一天。

《宫》

Lol! Totally forgot about this korean serial liao.



lyrics translation

BOB!

"Hi, you can call me BOB. Hurhurhur. Do I come on too strong? I'm a little rusty.

...

Urghh I feel so stupid."

-----------------------------------------------------------------



Waking up past noon again
Figured out I have no friends
Sit around in dirty clothes
Sanity, it comes and goes

Can a doctor fix my brain?
No one even knows my name
Checking all my vital signs
Let me know I'm still alive

Last time
I promised myself I would change
I will change

I wonder, wonder why
Every day we live our lives, the same
I wonder, wonder why
We give up before we try, to change

Work a job from 9 'til 5
Settle for a trophy wife
Rent a house and buy a car
Growin' up is way too hard

I never wanna be
Mr. Prosperity
Some rules were meant to break
I'll do things my own way

Last time
I promised myself I would change
I will change

I wonder, wonder why
Every day we live our lives, the same
I wonder, wonder why
We give up before we try, to change

This time
I am getting better
And I feel fine
Nothing is forever

And I wonder, wonder why
We give up before we try, to change
Why can't we change?
Oh oh why can't we change?
Oh, why can't we change?
Oh, why can't we change?

I wonder, wonder why
Every day we live our lives, the same
I wonder, wonder why
We give up before we try, to change

This time
I've promised myself I would change...

Perfect Boyfriend / Zettai Kareshi

(: Sweet...

Hmm...

江美琪去了哪里？

停留在她的旧歌里像停留在回忆里那般……矛盾。时间明明往前奔，可是脚步却在往后退。想要从回忆走出来，却又迷恋旧日情怀。

江美琪快出唱片吧。

另一首歌另一个伤心故事

词/曲 Lyricist / Composer：梁文福 Liang Wern Fook
主唱：董姿彦 (Rose) / 田伟鸿 （阿乐）/ 刘俊葳（阿强）

Rose:
我总是忘记 怎样的不去想起你
我总是怀疑 你依然相信我的心情
每一次伤的是你 每一次刺痛的是我的心
我紧拥着你 却经已失去自己

强：
一条漫长路经已走到这里
走下去我就不再是我自己
然而望着你的背影
究竟我有勇气几许
回头去走那无尽无止的记忆

Rose、强：
一条漫长路经已走到这里
然而分离是否就拥有我自己
因为思念不是当年
没有一丝牵挂的你
寂寞也不是最初的我自己

乐：
我总是忘记 怎样的不去想起你
我总是怀疑 你依然相信我的心情
每一次伤的是你 每一次刺痛的是我的心
我紧拥着你 却经已失去自己

Rose、强、乐：
一条漫长路经已走到这里
走下去我就不再是我自己
然而望着你的背影
究竟我有勇气几许
回头去走那无尽无止的记忆

Rose、乐：
一条漫长路经已走到这里
然而分离是否就拥有我自己
因为思念不是当年
没有一丝牵挂的你
寂寞也不是最初的我自己

Rose:
因为思念不是当年
没有一丝牵挂的你
寂寞也不是最初的我自己
Another sweet song
Another heart-breaking story

所谓的彩虹不过就是光

醒在陌生的地方 镜头变成了刀枪
耳语也变成了真相
吉他告别了肩膀 诗人弃守了边疆
我们活在巨大片厂

幸运的孩子 爬上了殿堂
成果代价都要品尝
单纯的孩子 是否变了样
跟著游戏规则 学著成长

轰轰烈烈的排行 沸沸扬扬的颁奖
跟著节奏我常迷惘
当人心变成市场 当市场变成战场
战场埋葬多少理想

回想著理想 稀薄的理想
走著钢索我的刚强
伟大和伪装 灰尘或辉煌
那是一线之隔 或是一线曙光

每个孤单天亮，我都一个人唱
默默的让著旋律 和我心交响
就算会有一天 没人与我合唱
至少在我的心中 还有个尚未崩坏的地方

歌手追逐销售量 记者追逐点击量
没有谁比谁更善良
无论天后或天王 无论小兵或老将
曲终人散都要苍凉

期待著彩虹 所以开了窗
窗外只有灼热闪光
所谓的彩虹 不过就是光
只要心还透明 就能折射希望

每个孤单天亮，我都一个人唱
默默的让著旋律 和我心交响
就算会有一天
没人与我合唱 至少在我的心中
还有个尚未崩坏的地方

其实我们都一模一样
无名却充满了莫名渴望
一生等一次 发光
宁愿重伤也不愿悲伤
让伤痕变成了我的徽章
刺在我心脏 永远不忘

默默让著旋律 和我心交响
至少在我的心中 自己为自己鼓掌

每个孤单天亮，我都一个人唱
默默的让著旋律 和我心交响
就算会有一天 没人与我合唱
至少在我的心中 还有个尚未崩坏的地方

孩子一样 不肯腐烂的土壤
再唱再唱再唱再唱再唱

走在风中，今天阳光突然好温柔。

最近的天气很好，多云的天空总是蓝的，太阳也总是很大方的在人们头顶上努力地照耀着。

炎热的天气偶尔会带来雷阵雨，突然来袭的坏天气把一切都浇湿之后转眼又是晴天。而且太阳比之前更不留情，非要把沉浸在潮湿空气里的人们给烤熟才罢休。

我的心情也是这样。整体上是开阔的，但是偶尔也会有些烦闷。

------------------------------------------

今年的夏天我好像变了，变得比较懂得享受。

如果在家里，我会读读书，喝喝冷饮，听听音乐，享受从窗外照进来的阳光和温暖。累了就瘫在床上滚几圈。

如果在外头，我会放慢脚步，戴上耳机，漫无目的的走。想走就走，想停就停，渴了就买杯饮料坐下来看风景，想想事情。可以是在公园、图书馆、书局、咖啡厅……就是这样没有压力的走，也不会烦下个要去的地方在哪里。

因为没有工作的束缚，所以才能有这样的机会。真是庆幸！

可能有些人会像以前的我，觉得这样是浪费时间，比起做工赚钱一点出息也没有。可是能够让人感觉享受而舒服的时光算是被浪费的时光吗？

放慢脚步之后才发觉这才是属于我的速度。只有在这个速度里我才看见我喜欢的和我在乎的东西。之前跟随着别人的脚步走得很快，虽然加强了自己的竞争力和冲劲，但是每当一慢下来就会有种罪恶感，好像已经被洗脑，认为只有不断努力往前才是真确的。如果不做事就会觉得空虚，怎样都要挖点事来做。听歌、游戏都是浪费时间。睡得迟，起得迟也是浪费时间。作业一定要早点做，一定要剩点时间作最后的补充。

这半年的作业我的确是很早就开始做，可是总是做得很慢，托到最后一个星期或最后几天才有心思把它给完成。我想这才是真正的我吧。我的灵感只有到了最后才会出现，要急也急不来。Plans don't work for me anyway. This is a tested truth.

最近又开始迟睡了。明明知道对身体不好，为什么还明知故犯呢？这几天的迟睡终于让我领悟了。我要的其实是属于半夜的安静和不被干扰的环境。要笑就笑，要哭就哭，只有在这个时候我才听得到我自己的声音。如果开学了我就没有机会和精力迟睡了，所以现在尽情挥霍咯。

如果连假期也要加快脚步，那算什么假期？以前小学读书的时候没有办法这样和父母顶嘴，也完全不知道什么叫压力（‘压力’这个词是在我小六的时候才从别人那里听说的，之前完全不知道什么是压力，只知道课外书很令人讨厌）。现在我才不管咧。

这个学期我真的变了。以前我是不敢缺课的，连迟到了都会很内疚。可是最近这个学期我翘了好多堂辅导课，而且迟到的时候也不会太内疚（当然，因为社会的要求，我还是会把我的时间观念找回来的）。我不知道这是怎样的一种态度，可以算是在rebel吧。时间表越满，我就会觉得越透不过气，一不爽我就会抗拒、反击。虽然rebellious attitude 不是故意的，但是它会让我有意识的做出‘坏学生’才会做的事。翘课的人不是洒脱，而是想逃脱。他们要的不是从课里的内容逃脱，而是逃离时间表的束缚。（我不适合朝九晚五的工作。）

我想我算是想通了吧。渐渐的我已经开始将脑子里想要做的事一一去实践（包括翘课），勇敢地照着自己的速度、角度去做自己。(原来要做自己是一件很困难的事，因为周围会有很多人左右自己的想法。)

当然有些事我还是一样。桌子还是很乱，手机总是忘记充电，音乐不离耳。

最喜欢的一首歌也一样。2000年到2009年……九年了，最喜欢的还是这首。



九年前不明白的歌词，现在明白了。

剧终

终于结束了……

终于结束了……

终于结束了……

好痛……好辛苦……

因为终于结束了。

汗水 + 泪水 + 100 Plus + 一首MP3

bright sun outside hougang polyclinic


still outside hougang polyclinic


opposite hougang interchange


still opposite hougang interchange


on the way to punggol park


view from my favourite bench in the park


100plus after a run = shiok
(I was short of change for the can drink, luckily I met a generous uncle who was waving his sword about in a corner before I approached him)


before leaving the park

I'll remember the orange moon, the rock, the bridge, the vines, the ants, the steps, the sea...

And move on.

Heng ah...

谢天谢地，多幸运，我们是最普通的唯一。

谁比谁好？

约个会 餐厅选在吃到饱
一瞬间 什么浪漫都死掉
咕叽咕叽
白头偕老难见到
睡觉 起床 慢跑 洗澡
下班 睡觉

谁比谁好 能差到多少
迟早都要 向上帝报到
既然坏的 通通改不掉
用力思考
保证 自找 烦恼
放手 无聊 大笑
咕叽咕叽

数数钞票 永远都比标签少
名牌包 里面还要塞到爆
咕叽咕叽 什么病都能吃药
掏光 荷包 自我 慰劳 工作 花掉

我们都好 我们都是鸟
冬天飞向 南方的怀抱
一起筑巢 地球飞一遭
放弃思考
不要 自找 烦恼
放手 无聊 大笑
无可 救药
祷告 我不要

地球 还不太熟
旅行 想到太空
月球没有好朋友
相爱 不肯拥抱
仇恨 记得太牢
原始的情调 是什么面貌
好想知道 能不能求饶
能不能咆哮 一点就好 真实就好

谁比谁好 能差到多少
迟早都要 向上帝报到
既然坏的 通通戒不掉
用力思考
不要 自找 烦恼

我们都好 我们都是鸟
冬天飞向 南方的怀抱
一起筑巢 地球飞一遭
放弃思考
不要 自找 烦恼
放手 无聊 大笑
碰面 都是 问好
咕叽咕叽

Let's wake up in the mornings
Let's go to bed at night
Let's make hay in the big sunshine
Yea we'll make hay in the light
Let's bury all our hatchets
Let us get along
Let's hold our hands and save the world
Let's not

Hotdog面包和Pandan cake陪我的旅程

沿着沟渠找硬币的男孩

旧式药材店的香味

光秃的大树

草地上的鸽子

还有太耀眼的夕阳




------------------------------

大脚趾指甲的瘀血终于要好了，尽然花了四个多月才快把瘀血给慢慢推出来。每个月指甲长长一点，就推出来一点。那是今年生日到圣淘沙赏花的时候穿了太小的鞋子弄成的。

终于快好了……可是……

四个月前的人……

被无聊困在地球表面

I realised I'm easily bored.

Aargh!

I want to go overseas!



professional dancers......

潮起……潮落。

After 2 days in extremely good mood, silly smiles and happy techno songs, it's time to revert back to my other favourite genre in music.

I can't find the official MV of the song, but I doubt there's even a proper MV to it anyway. I found this instead, an assignment by a group of students, featuring German artist Maximilian Hecker's song. (I think it's by a group of Taiwanese students, according to their accent at the end of the whole video.) It's a great work (:



Look closely at the symbols used. Why did the girl in the video blow balloons? Why did they choose white, black and red? Why did they add in elements like trees, grass, water? Note the different senses they used: sight (colours and the different lightings), touch (you cannot feel it, but you can feel the wind by seeing the movement of the girl's hair, and the different textures like tree bark, water etc and temperature like coldness of the water and warmth from the flame), hearing (you cannot hear her screaming, but you can see her screaming). Note the different emotions the girl had shown through her positions (e.g. curling up) and actions (e.g. twirling, slow movements) too. Haha... Enjoy their piece of work! And the music! :D

30 Golden Rules to be a Real Man

1) 听比说得多 不怕我啰嗦 （有耐力）
2) 知道我难过 陪着我沉默 （温柔）
3) 手机桌布只有我 （着迷）
4) 很多甜蜜小动作 （有创意）
5) 自己吃饭没胃口 （要她陪伴）
6) 刷卡之前先问我 （尊重）
7) 喜欢我朋友 （不自私）
8) 也会爱我的狗 / 也会爱我的鼠 （懂得爱屋及乌）
9) 懂环保爱地球 （有环保意识）
10)保护我像英雄 （会保护她）
11)总是大方介绍我 （以她为傲）
12)什么节日都记得 （细心）
13)陪我减肥吃苹果 / 陪我增肥吃肥肉哈哈 （懂得牺牲）
14)帮我买口红 （尊严撇开）
15)诚实的嘴 （诚实）
16)可靠的肩 （可靠）
17)温柔的眼 （迷人的眼）
18)会玩会工作 （Work smart, Play hard）
19)会疯会生活 （懂得享受生活）
20)会下厨会运动 （可以做女人会做的，也要有男人该有的）
21)会爱会作梦 （浪漫主义，相信梦想）
22)又像男孩又成熟 （成熟中的纯真）
23)对我大方自己抠 （对她的疼爱）
24)教我绝招打电动 （懂得玩耍的乐趣，而且不自私）
25)什么都有我 （形影不离）
26)解决我寂寞 （好伙伴、朋友）
27)我说了两三分钟 你愿意花两三年去做 （坚定的心）
28)大丈夫耍酷耍温柔（软硬都ok）
29)肩膀什么都扛得动（身体强，心也强！）
30)我嘴唇轻轻动一动 就知道我在想什么 （有默契）

这个人根本不存在嘛！>__<

就算是超级美女也很难找到这样的人。呵呵。=.=

"What we do is what you just can't can do!"

Love this song! Was thinking why it sounded so familiar... Then I remembered Ms Celine Chew used this song for our annual Singapore workout on a children's day celebration donkey years ago. Ha...

Cartoon heroes!

:D

女强人

I wasn't in a good mood this afternoon, but luckily 特务J saved my day!



爱情 有十诫 戒懒 戒自卑 戒闷 戒爱现 戒肤浅
爱情 有十诫 戒宅 戒失恋 戒烟 戒永远没主见

---------------------------------------------



And Ginormica made my night!

She's my heroine!

:D


Heroines! All cool 女强人！Applaud::

So I'm Number 3

Number 1: Him / his plans

Number 2: Yourself / your plans

也对。我凭什么？



People choose to disappoint the one who is less important to them.



累了。

“我们都是一个人加上另一个人的长相”

I had a weird dream last night. There weren't any dark elements like those many other dreams I had in the past, everything looked so logical in the dream, but somehow there is a kind of weirdness in how normal the dream was.

Woke up and thought through the dream carefully. Then I realised the weirdness.

1) People whom I always see as a pair in reality (e.g. a pair of close friends) did not appear in the dream in twos. Only one person of the pair appeared.
-- "Ok, so humans really can choose to have selective abilities sometimes."

2) The dream was crowded with people, but only 3 main ones were actively involved. But the 3 were not close/ don't know each other at all, and I know them in very different settings.
-- "Secrets of a person about another has to be shared as randomly as possible, i.e. secrets concerning A have to be shared with B, who is totally out of A's circle etc."

3) The personality of one of the 3 was totally different from what I understand.
-- "Or is it that person's REAL personality anyway? Hmm..."

It has been a long time since I had a proper 'non-dark' dream like last night. I woke up feeling relieved and rested (:

So I took out my precious tarot cards and did a few readings for myself.

1) Past/ Foundation: 9 of Swords
Keywords: Oppression, fear and anxiety

A man wakes from a nightmare, nine swords on the wall. It can be a good thing to find what you seek, except when it comes to ideas, words or problems. Find too many of them and they will overwhelm you. We all know this card, it is the one where we wake up at night and go over our troubles, problems, worries, thoughts, what we said, what others said. The Querent must be told that while their problems may be real, they're blowing them out of proportion, making them worse, nightmarish. They are spending too many sleepless nights alone and awake with these words, ideas, problems. What they are really seeking is to wake from this bad dream - which they can do by realizing that it is a bad dream - most of it is in their head.

2) Present: 9 of Cups
Keywords: Fulfilment and well-being

The nine of cups is an extremely positive, radiant card. It suggests contentment, physical health and success. A creative and emotional peak has been reached, your dreams are about to come true, and there is a joyful quality to life.

Emotionally, your relationships are particularly fulfilling. Love flows easily between partners, close family and friends. There is no sense of frustration or lack, and communication with others reaches new and intimate depths.
Creatively, ideas are coming easily and there is plenty of energy to implement them. Something you have wrestled with a long time may now go smoothly and effortlessly at last.


3) Hopes, fears & expectations: King of Cups
Keywords: Imaginative, emotional, charismatic

The imaginative King of Cups represents the most feminine of the four kings. He is usually highly intuitive, and often found in creative jobs or industries. Even in more conventional careers he can be eccentric, making investments because he 'feels' they are right rather than for any logical reason. These hunches may lead him to become very successful.

His presence is often powerfully charismatic; many people find him magnetic yet difficult. He makes a dangerous enemy, rarely forgetting a betrayal or slight and able to wait for revenge.

In love, he is highly-sexed and emotional. His sensitivity is both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand he can be kind and thoughtful, on the other he imagines insults where none were intended. He can also be very moody and prone to fits of jealousy. However, he is rarely boring or predictable.

[Sensitivity is a double-edged sword...]


4) Areas of conflict: The Fool (Reversed)

Here is a warning to look before you leap. The cliff edge is hanging over the Fool and his feet have no real purchase. We might say that he's falling, dropping off from under the rock to free fall through the yellow sky. Everything, the sack, the dog, tumbles with him.

We might well interpret this as the Fool (in Rider represented by Air), getting completely lost in his head, in hopes and imagination, in talk of what he's going to do, completely surrendering to the sky, with no way to actually walk toward anything, even disaster. This, we might say, is the Fool doomed to Foolishness that makes sense only to him. He is not in the real world and whatever he proposes cannot be made real.

[Idealists are like that mah... Daydream too much about impossible perfection.]


5) Outside influences, views of other people: The Hermit (Reversed)

Many people hate being alone, and may experience this card as enforced loneliness. They need noise, distractions and ceaseless activity for they are frightened to look too deeply inside themselves. This position suggests immaturity and superficiality; a life full of empty chatter.

[So people will think I'm being foolish to not listen to them and I am wasting my time and energy on non productive things la... =.=]

6) The best current course of action: 8 of Wands (Reversed)
Keywords: More haste less speed

Trying to get things done in a hurry can often result in mistakes. The eight of wands reversed warns against sudden decisions or actions, and above all, against committing anything rash to paper.

[Slowly...]


7) Probable outcome if this course of action is taken: The Emperor

The Emperor can appear in your life as a successful and usually wealthy businessman. If your question concerned a relationship, then you may be involved with someone who finds it difficult to express emotions. This type of person is unwilling to let down defences, for he or she likes to be in control at all times.

If you asked about a man, he has been taught that 'big boys don't cry' and has repressed his feminine side. Of course, he has emotions - they just don't show very often. If your question concerned a woman, she may be financially successful but have little time to relax and be receptive.

Physically, this card relates to the head, headaches, and accidents affecting that part of the body. Sexually, it is the card of the hunter and seducer of either sex who usually gets what he or she wants, and tends to dominate a partner. The Emperor's blocked emotions find an outlet in passionate sex, although partners may not feel particularly loved or cherished at other times.

[Huuuuhhhhh.... Sian. =.=]

Well, at least things are going the right track liao. Happy! (:

------------------------------

最近因为身边发生的一些事，让我对家庭这一块有一些想法。当朋友和家庭摆在一起的时候，你会选谁呢？如果非得选择的话。

虽然我总是说要从他们的‘魔掌’中逃脱，可是总会舍不得。

Hmmm...



在外面和朋友玩够了，疯够了，要记得回家啊。

乖孩子们……早点回家 (:

Why live life from dream to dream?

I follow the night
Can't stand the light
When will I begin to live again

One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
What more could your love do for me
When will love be through with me
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day when dreaming ends

One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day when dreaming ends

One day I'll fly away
Fly fly away...

-----------------------

The first line of the chorus slipped into my mind while I was stoning just now. Went to find the video on youtube and listened to the full song... 2:16 onwards... 我的鸡皮疙瘩落了满地。

不愧是shuyi's fav movie~

有些情绪是该说给懂的人听

我发现我要的不是聆听者。

而是一份二话不说的明白和一点点温柔的关心。

我不是太多时间……也不是没事找事……

你们会认得那颗超载的心吗？还是你们也和他们一样？



原来人就是这样慢慢变得沉默而麻木的……



用起伏的背影 挡住哭泣的心
有些故事 不必说给 每个人听
许多眼睛 看的太浅太近
错过我没被看见 那个自己

用简单的言语 解开超载的心
有些情绪 是该说给 懂的人听
你的热泪 比我激动怜惜
我发誓要更努力 更有勇气

等 下一个天亮
去上次牵手赏花那里散步好吗
有些积雪会自己融化
你的肩膀是我豁达的天堂

等下一个天亮
把偷拍我看海的照片送我好吗
我喜欢我飞舞的头发
和飘着雨还是眺望的眼光
用简单的言语 解开超载的心
有些情绪 是该说给 懂的人听
你的热泪 比我激动怜惜
我发誓要更努力 更有勇气

等下一个天亮
去上次牵手赏花那里散步好吗
有些积雪会自己融化
你的肩膀是我豁达的天堂

等下一个天亮
把偷拍我看海的照片送我好吗
我喜欢我飞舞的头发
和飘着雨还是眺望的眼光

时间可以磨去我的棱角
有些坚持却永远磨不掉
请容许我 小小的骄傲
因为有你这样的依靠

等下一个天亮
去上次牵手赏花那里散步好吗
有些积雪会自己融化
你的肩膀是我豁达的天堂
等 下一个天亮
把偷拍我看海的照片送我好吗
我喜欢我飞舞的头发
和飘着雨还是眺望的眼光

该怎么说才好

过期

看了看手机。哦，有一则留言。

“喂？你在哪里？……我现在好想哭。可是家里不方便。可以出来吗？”

又看了看手机。哦，原来是一天前的留言。









因为找不到适合的人和地方，总是只能把眼泪吞回，让情绪过期。

总是……总是只能这样。