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Many people feel jealous from time to time. Jealousy is easy to deal with, once you understand what it's teaching you. Here are some pointers on working through your emotions and feelings of jealousy.

1) Understand the emotions. Jealousy is a combination of fear and anger: fear of losing something and anger that someone is "moving in on" something that you feel belongs only to you.

2) Allow yourself to actually 'feel' emotions in a healthy way. When you start feeling jealous, ask yourself: Is it more fear-based or more anger-based? Recognize which part of your body is being affected. If you feel a dropping or clutching sensation in your stomach, it’s probably fear. If you feel a burning, tight sensation in your shoulders and jaw, then you’re likely feeling anger. You might also feel a combination of those sensations.

3) Communicate your feelings. Sharing your true feelings with someone without blaming them can create a deep sense of connection between the two of you and open up a dialogue about the path of your relationship. Use "I" instead of "you." Instead of saying, "You shouldn't have done that," say, "I felt terrible when that happened."

4) Identify what your jealousy is teaching you. Jealousy can alert you to what you want and what is important to you. If you’re jealous of someone talking to a friend of yours, personal relationships may be important to you. If you’re jealous about money, you may have an underlying need for security or freedom. Ask yourself, "Why am I jealous over this? What is making me jealous? What am I trying to keep? Why do I feel threatened?" When you begin to understand what makes you jealous, you can begin to take positive steps to maintain those things, without the cloud of negative emotion that accompanies jealousy.

5) Change any false beliefs that might cause jealousy. There are often false beliefs that underlie jealousy and fuel emotion. If you examine the belief, you can often eliminate the jealousy. Some common underlying beliefs are “Everyone is out to get my money” or “If this person leaves me, I won't have any friends.” Beliefs are changeable. If you change your belief, you change the way you feel. Choose to tell yourself a belief that is nurturing and supportive, and you’ll feel better. When you begin taking steps to creating a happy and fulfilling life for yourself, you will find the anger, the jealousy, and the fear will disappear. Don't listen to people who make you jealous.

6) Make a list of all your good points and only compare yourself to yourself rather than to others. Raise your sense of self worth and self confidence by acknowledging your accomplishments, inner qualities and other good things about you. One way to change your belief system and inner dialogue, is to journal on a daily basis supportive messages to yourself. In time, your efforts will begin to sink into your subconscious. And as a result, you'll develop new inner strengths, dimenish any envious feelings, and feel more joy within and in life.


Jealousy is not the same thing as love. Sometimes, people think that by feeling jealous about someone, they are loving them. Jealousy is not love; it’s the fear and anger of losing out. Jealousy disappears when you fully understand that to covet someone or something else that does not belong to you is a misjudgement and more than likely a distortion.

Learn to be happy with yourself and what you have, unless what you lack is due to oppression, and if that is the case, if you have the ability to stick up for yourself and cause changes that will benefit everyone in your situation, including yourself.

Everyone is different, and each person has good and bad qualities. Realize that you have the potential to create a better future.

Try to talk about your problems with someone. Perhaps you feel that these jealous tendencies are a private matter; then, you ought to anonymously ask an advice column or similar construct about your problem.

Irrational jealousy usually stems from indoctrinated social values which do not favor people such as yourself. Both you and society may hold such values. Of course, its easier to challenge your own values than that of others, start here first.

Often, American psychology purposely confuses the concept that one has low self-esteem when the truth is, external influences, such as the media, cause degraded and distorted social values, not internalized deficiencies. Self-esteem is a concept invented to blame the victim, when the reality is the victim is being punished for not towing the line to the wants which are constantly being spewed from things like popular media and traditional means of social control. Reject these glorified values and be yourself and be proud to be different.

Realize that it is very often your own viewpoint is distorting reality. The grass is always greener and often the mind singles out a distorted piece of the whole which you want, but conveniently ignores negative aspects which come packaged with the positive. When you are jealous, you may think, "I want that; it would be nice to have that thing or experience for myself" However, people are different and the other person may be suffering unknowingly or in ways you cannot foresee or comprehend. Trade your anger for curiosity, try to get the bigger picture before making rash judgements.

How to handle Jealousy - WikiHow


Comparison with envy

Popular culture uses the word jealousy as a synonym for envy. Many dictionary definitions include a reference to envy or envious feelings. In fact, the overlapping use of jealousy and envy has a long history.

The terms are used indiscriminately in such popular 'feelgood' books as Nancy Friday's Jealousy, where the expression 'jealousy' applies to a broad range of passions, from envy to lust and greed. While this kind of usage blurs the boundaries between categories that are intellectually valuable and psychologically justifiable, such confusion is understandable in that historical explorations of the term indicate that these boundaries have long posed problems. Margot Grzywacz's fascinating etymological survey of the word in Romance and Germanic languages asserts, indeed, that the concept was one of those that proved to be the most difficult to express in language and was therefore among the last to find an unambiguous term. Classical Latin used invidia, without strictly differentiating between envy and jealousy. It was not until the postclassical era that Latin borrowed the late and poetic Greek word zelotypia and the associated adjective zelosus. It is from this adjective that are derived French jaloux, Provencal gelos, Italian geloso, and Spanish celoso. (Lloyd, 1995, page 4)

Perhaps the overlapping use of jealousy and envy occurs because people can experience both at the same time. A person may envy the characteristics or possessions of someone who also happens to be a romantic rival. In fact, one may even interpret romantic jealousy as a form of envy. A jealous person may envy the affection that his or her partner gives to a rival—affection the jealous person feels entitled to himself or herself. People often use the word jealousy as a broad label that applies to both experiences of jealousy and experiences of envy.

Although popular culture often uses jealousy and envy as synonyms, modern philosophers and psychologists have argued for conceptual distinctions between jealousy and envy. For example, philosopher John Rawls distinguishes between jealousy and envy on the ground that jealousy involves the wish to keep what one has, and envy the wish to get what one does not have. Thus, a child is jealous of her parents' attention to a sibling, but envious of her friend's new bicycle. Psychologists Laura Guerrero and Peter Andersen have proposed the same distinction. They claim the jealous person "perceives that he or she possesses a valued relationship, but is in danger of losing it or at least of having it altered in an undesirable manner," whereas the envious person "does not possess a valued commodity, but wishes to possess it." Gerrod Parrot draws attention to the distinct thoughts and feelings that occur in jealousy and envy.

The experience of jealousy involves:
* Fear of loss
* Suspicion or anger about betrayal
* Low self-esteem and sadness over loss
* Uncertainty and loneliness
* Fear of losing an important person to an attractive other
* Distrust

The experience of envy involves:
* Feelings of inferiority
* Longing
* Resentment of circumstances
* Ill will towards envied person often accompanied by guilt about these feelings
* Motivation to improve
* Desire to possess the attractive rival's qualities
* Disapproval of feelings

Parrot acknowledges that people can experience envy and jealousy at the same time. Feelings of envy about a rival can even intensify the experience of jealousy. Still, the differences between envy and jealousy in terms of thoughts and feelings justify their distinction in philosophy and science.