My emotions had been fluctuating so much that it scared the hell out of me and made me feel very tired after the turmoil. And I became more jumpy than usual on the smallest changes. Very malu =.=
Had my best and worst days on Thursday and Friday, with the workload and stuff. Luckily ST and MY made both of my nights enjoyable and let me feel at ease when I was around them.
Went to the Cat Socrates cafe to rush my sex & gender report while ST sat beside me with her laptop, trying to phooey out a script on animal migration and how some weird mammals mate and hibernate in the winter. Had a very relaxing yet tense afternoon in the cafe (paradox).
Cool weather + jazz music + warm and soft light + cushions + hot milk tea + loved ones = warm + fuzzy feeling. Just felt very loved that day despite the horrible big aunt and a bad appetite. Everyone around me was being very kind and caring. Especially ST (: We shared dinner and she made me eat even though I said I didn't have any appetite. And she accompanied me home along the NEL, before switching over to the red line. We chatted alot over dinner and on our way home, going way beyond the safe boundaries, making lots of assumptions on religion and wondered aloud about the faith people have in their beliefs (I may sound offensive if the conversation was with any other person.) This Thursday night was one of the most satisfied nights I had in a very long time.
Skipped my last tutorial in school and my night class at the temple (for the 3rd time in a row) on Friday to go home for a rest in the afternoon. Bumped into MY on the bus to Pioneer MRT station and decided to take the train together. We didn't say anything to each other from the moment we saw each other till the train reached Outram Park. After that then we both realised that we were both sick (and very tired). Since I don't want to go home and face the walls alone, I decided to accompany MY to Chinatown to get her air tickets. After that we walked around and went for dinner at a nearby hawker centre. Then we took the train to Vivocity, got ourselves some drinks (mineral water hahaha) and sat outdoors to chat and enjoy the night.
虽然这段时间很少和她聊天，但是那天发觉彼此有好几次在谈到某些事情的时候尽然热泪盈眶。（表示谈天的时候已经谈到最近最关心的重点啦。）还好地铁站的那段楼梯还有好多其他的路人，小贩中心里也刚好是繁忙的用餐时间，我们才能在那两个最敏感的时刻把那几滴不听话的泪给吞回去。
我喜欢在她的面前不顾形象，做出一些‘呆’表情，然后被她赏几个囧。因为在她的面前，我觉得很自在。就算我不说话再加上一脸的不爽，她也不会像一般朋友紧张的要命，追问是不是哪里惹得我生气，或者是很委屈的埋怨我的黑脸。虽然我的朋友不少，但很多都是那些萍水相逢的。即使是那些特好的朋友，他们有时候还是会这样反应，问我为什么总是有事没事就emo.看到我不说话，她反而是担心我哪里不舒服……
现在数一数，朋友当中像她这样反应的，少过五个人。看，有多宝贵哪。
昨天被她开导了一阵子。她说我做事太极端，而且又常太快下定论，所以每次伤了别人也伤了自己。我说，我心里没底，一点安全感也没有，所以需要这样保护自己。她说，不要对别人的期待太高，自己就不会常感到失望而觉得没有安全感，那样才是真正能够保护自己的方法。真的是一针见血……姐姐说的话，我会牢记在心的。可是，真的很难办到哪。唉。加油加油。
现在要好好做的，是搞好学业。然后把中心放在家里和我身边最爱我的人上。这几个月以来，是他们一路拖着我这个快残废的人走到今天的。虽然说起来有些夸张，可是的确是这样。这几个月来不见的那几公斤，我要把它们找回来。
那天晚上我跟小老婆说最近空气的味道很可怕，她听了就说她明白。她就只说了她明白而已。可是那天回到家后，当我又闻到那股熟悉的气味，我发觉我已经不怕了。很玄，对吧？其实我只是需要一点被明白的放心而已。这么说来，我的毛病好像又犯了。这样是不是对身边的人的期待有点过高了呀？
唔……我还需要一点时间平衡平衡。姐姐的这个theory容易了解，可是不容易实行。
还有姐姐也说，我是应该改掉想太多的毛病的。我自己想想，其实还蛮对的。不为什么，就为了考试避免写离题。当然，也是为了减轻我头脑的负荷。不然要我一生都像这整个星期一样心情上下不定的，我大概不会活很久。
“是你的就是你的，不是你的就不是你的。是你的话，他会留下。不是你的话，他只会到这儿看看就走了。”
我们的生命里，过客多的是啊。那些花儿，已经有一大半都不知道飘到哪里去了……
有时候真的是应该放开一些。
有些人变成相片堆在角落灰尘像雪一般冰冻
我不懂人世间的那些愁他为什么要缠着我
这到底会是谁的错还是我不放手
经过了漫长的等候梦想是梦想我还是一个我
那时间忘记挽留最美时候不经意匆匆的放过
曾经想拥抱的彩虹盛开的花朵那纯真的笑容
突然有风吹过那一转眼只剩我
我不懂人世间的那些愁他为什么要缠着我
这到底会是谁的错还是我不放手
喔人世间的那些愁这世界给我的幽默
这是不是要告诉我潮起终究潮落
总要有人来陪我咽下苦果喔再尝一点美梦
要等你先开口那冬天才会走
有些人经过我身旁住在我脑中在我心里钻洞
有些人变成相片堆在角落灰尘像雪一般冰冻
时间如果可以倒流我想我还是会卯起来蹉跎
反正就这样吧我知道我努力过
我想到遥远遥远的以后会不会有人知道我
在这个寂寞的星球曾这样的活过
喔遥远遥远的以后天长和地久的尽头
应该没有人能抢走我永远的感动
总要有一首我的歌大声唱过喔再看天地辽阔
活着不多不少幸福刚好够用
活着其实很好再吃一颗苹果
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